Sublime

Sometimes it’s grating
living your life in the sublime.

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Sometimes it’s grating
living your life in the sublime.
It’s raw, being exposed like a nerve,
feeling everything so sharply.

Nothing is sugarcoated, nothing is watered down
the pain, the pleasure, everything hits you
like a wave,
cold, racing, unstoppable;
and all you can do is jump up,
keep your head above water,
and hope to God you remember
how to swim.

Usually, the waves are cold but brisk and bracing.
Each one is different.  Unique.
And each splash reminds you that you’re alive.
Usually.

Sometimes, the waves all blend together and the cold becomes numbing
and you can’t feel your limbs, and it becomes harder to swim
and harder to care and before long all you want to do is
float and rest but the waves won’t stop crashing
over you and you find yourself going under
trying to hold your breath but getting
more tired and more numb
and then it’s too dark
to find the surface
anymore.

It’s those people that have found themselves underwater, yet found the strength to swim,
to breach the surface and once again brave the cold waves crashing on the shore;
it’s them, those who understand the nature of the waves and of the numbness they bring; who truly grasp what it means to ‘seize the day,’ to live life in the sublime, and to embrace the pain and pleasure that rubs them

raw.

For each wave felt in the Sublime is one that does not bring numbness.
Every raw moment reminds us that we are alive, swimming, struggling,
and if that’s what it takes to keep us from going under, so be it.

Sometimes, though, we need a reprieve.
Not everyone can handle being raw, exposed, vulnerable for so long.
Some of us seek numbness on purpose to hide from the sublime.

A few gulps from a bottle, a few moments to catch my breath
from the burn in my throat, and the numbness is there, letting the waves crash over my frame: painless, guileless, careless.

Not everyone is strong enough to brave the waves,
but those who do; without vests or preservers,
but those who do alone,
understand the depth of feeling
the change
the true weight of being alive,
and the responsibility they have to

keep afloat.

4/17/13

IMG_3127
San Diego, CA || August 2016

 

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